what if...............

What if………?

For so long, you thought I never cared,
Did what I did, left you behind,
That I wasn’t bothered, how you had faired,
Disappointment in your eyes, was all I could find,

Yet, you never asked, why I seemed aloof,
Consumed, by a broken heart,
Smiling joking always the spoof,
Hiding the pain, in which others played a part,

Thoughts of what if? Flooded my head,
I watched as you walked towards, a new life,
From afar, I shook with dread,
Lost forever, someone else’s wife,

My belief, they were right, in the long run,
My decision, ultimately, my choice,
Your life ahead, filled, with fun,
Saddened, I never gave you a voice,

It could have been different, I could have fought,
Harder then, as I can do now,
Yet too long ago, those hidden thoughts,
Longing in shadows, sweat on my brow,

I left, so I didn’t have to see,
Your new life evolve, and grow,
Knowing too well, it would never be me,
To gaze at you, in the morning glow,

Some truth now emerges, you never knew!
I came, I went, longing for the, what if’s, remained,
Watched from afar, if your life held true,
My secrets buried deep, a broken heart stained,

Years of silence, suddenly a question asked,
Secrets revealed, the timing just right,
A broken heart died, a new man tasked,
To be the one, to stand and fight,

Upon youth’s shoulders, a grown man’s weight,
Lost forever, first love, and a new man born,
Cast then, into someone else’ fate,
Older now, looking back forlorn,

All these years you thought, I never cared?
I hide my secrets, well and true,
I’ll never know if you were spared,
We never had our chance, either me or you