x-mas me arse

Dear Santa,

 

Write a letter they said, ask for something nice,

Ask for something real they said, be reasonable on the price,

So this young child sat down, and thought long and hard,

Looked in all the shops in town, wrote his little card,

Saved and bought a stamp, put it in the box marked letters,

Socks for dad and gramps, gifts for peers and betters,

Waited for your reply, watched the postman pass the house,

No answer did you write, you filthy, rotten louse,

Down the chimney you would come, and leave gifts for one and all,

Answered cards for some, but for me no reply at all,

Well here’s a little treat, as you ride your hefty sleigh,

Be careful with your feet, down my chimney on the day,

I will have the fire blazing, as you try your descent,

Your ignorant and brazen, for the letter I had sent,

I don’t need your Christmas joy, nor do my feet need new socks,

From childhood through to man and boy, I’ll roast your bloody rocks,

You take all the glory, it’s Santa this and that,

And it’s all from a flipping story, Christmas day for me is flat,

My kids won’t be writing letters, nor saving for a stamp,

They’ll buy for family and betters, you credit stealing tramp,

There’ll be no milk or cookies, no reindeer food left out,

In my house will be no rookies, they’ll know what your about,

They will know who worked all year, who bought all under my tree,

So don’t you have any fear, no credit here for free,

If you land upon my roof, and try my chimney pot,

I’ll make glue from Rudolf’s hoof, and roast your bloody lot,

On every card I write, I’ll put my blasted name,

Stay up on Christmas night, so you don’t get the fame,

Write a letter they said, ask for something nice,

I light the fire instead, everything has a price,

Baaaahhh humbug