Dear Santa,
Write a letter they said, ask for something
nice,
Ask for something real they said, be
reasonable on the price,
So this young child sat down, and thought
long and hard,
Looked in all the shops in town, wrote his
little card,
Saved and bought a stamp, put it in the box
marked letters,
Socks for dad and gramps, gifts for peers
and betters,
Waited for your reply, watched the postman
pass the house,
No answer did you write, you filthy, rotten
louse,
Down the chimney you would come, and leave
gifts for one and all,
Answered cards for some, but for me no
reply at all,
Well here’s a little treat, as you ride
your hefty sleigh,
Be careful with your feet, down my chimney
on the day,
I will have the fire blazing, as you try
your descent,
Your ignorant and brazen, for the letter I
had sent,
I don’t need your Christmas joy, nor do my
feet need new socks,
From childhood through to man and boy, I’ll
roast your bloody rocks,
You take all the glory, it’s Santa this and
that,
And it’s all from a flipping story,
Christmas day for me is flat,
My kids won’t be writing letters, nor
saving for a stamp,
They’ll buy for family and betters, you
credit stealing tramp,
There’ll be no milk or cookies, no reindeer
food left out,
In my house will be no rookies, they’ll
know what your about,
They will know who worked all year, who
bought all under my tree,
So don’t you have any fear, no credit here
for free,
If you land upon my roof, and try my
chimney pot,
I’ll make glue from Rudolf’s hoof, and
roast your bloody lot,
On every card I write, I’ll put my blasted
name,
Stay up on Christmas night, so you don’t
get the fame,
Write a letter they said, ask for something
nice,
I light the fire instead, everything has a
price,
Baaaahhh humbug
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