x-mas me arse lol :)

x-mas me arse

Dear Santa,

Write a letter they said, ask for something nice,

Ask for something real they said, be reasonable on the price,

So this young child sat down, and thought long and hard,

Looked in all the shops in town, wrote his little card,

Saved and bought a stamp, put it in the box marked letters,

Socks for dad and gramps, gifts for peers and betters,

Waited for your reply, watched the postman pass the house,

No answer did you write, you filthy, rotten louse,

Down the chimney you would come, and leave gifts for one and all,

Answered cards for some, but for me no reply at all,

Well here’s a little treat, as you ride your hefty sleigh,

Be careful with your feet, down my chimney on the day,

I will have the fire blazing, as you try your descent,

Your ignorant and brazen, for the letter I had sent,

I don’t need your Christmas joy, nor do my feet need new socks,

From childhood through to man and boy, I’ll roast your bloody rocks,

You take all the glory, it’s Santa this and that,

And it’s all from a flipping story, Christmas day for me is flat,

My kids won’t be writing letters, nor saving for a stamp,

They’ll buy for family and betters, you credit stealing tramp,

There’ll be no milk or cookies, no reindeer food left out,

In my house will be no rookies, they’ll know what your about,

They will know who worked all year, who bought all under my tree,

So don’t you have any fear, no credit here for free,

If you land upon my roof, and try my chimney pot,

I’ll make glue from Rudolf’s hoof, and roast your bloody lot,

On every card I write, I’ll put my blasted name,

Stay up on Christmas night, so you don’t get the fame,

Write a letter they said, ask for something nice,

I light the fire instead, everything has a price,

Baaaahhh humbug

Santa me arse,

Santa me arse,

Well it’s that time of year again and I’m a little miffed,
At the amount of so called friends that are expecting a gift,
They seem to be excited that it is the season of good will,
Where we all have to be nice to each other well I’ve had my fill,
I’ve worked hard all year and tried to make some cash,
And now my so called pals all want to give my savings a bash,
They call each day to say hello and is there anything I need,
Even then it’s become a chore as now them I have to feed,
She is in the kitchen saying he cooks a lovely Christmas dinner,
Yet on our annual trip to Mass she says confess to being a sinner,
And all the bad things you have done throughout this year,
Will be forgotten and see your conscience clear,
Well I’ve had it with this so called x-mas good will to all men,
And sending cards to people I’ve not seen in years maybe 10,
Then spending all day long putting up the lights and a tree,
As far as I can gather there is nothing in this season for me,
But it’s my fault FOR not removing batteries from something,
And while it was in the attic all year I didn’t hear it sing,
Flowers must be bought from the local florist,
And wrapping paper enough to kill a small rainforest,
And who must sit there and do the wrapping of the presents,
Yes me, and I can tell you it isn’t very pleasant,
And who gets all the credit while living in the North Pole,
Some fat git dressed in a red suit sat there on his hole,
He even gets milk and stuff left out for him on the night,
But after six pints it’s me who has to drink the shite,
And stagger round the house putting things inside the socks,
While trying to get to bed and tripping over building blocks,
So to hell with Santa and his reindeer and his sleigh,
Say thank you dad cos I bought you all this crap you see today
And while you’re at it opening gifts with smiling faces looking,
The real Santa is in the kitchen tied to damn turkey and cooking.
There are times I’d like to nail that Santa to a wall,
But hey it’s Christmas so God bless you one and all.