it's not me

gone but never forgotten
death of a nephew so young

It’s not me (Keith Smith)

 

In the end it just wasn’t me,

 

Though, looking in the mirror, what looked back was my reflection,

I saw through eyes that were somewhat, clouded,

My mind saw me, as no more than a minor distraction,

I was hidden by thoughts, weighed down and shrouded,

 

Perhaps it was me yet different,

 

I fought what I saw as real demons, battled them each day,

For me the fight was real, but I know I tried,

Words came out of me that I never wanted to say,

It hurt me more knowing those who loved me cried,

 

It was me, but something was missing,

 

Facebook kept asking “what’s on your mind”

I was in there, but found it so hard to surface,

Someone else was living my life, which I couldn’t find,

My mind had thought it better, me to replace,

 

The missing thing was me,

 

It was a short battle and I knew I was lost,

Fighting to get a grip on life every day,

Yet I and all who knew me would pay the ultimate cost,

I was gone, but the fight was about how long I could stay,

 

Now it is me,

 

My battle was, I didn’t know how to say goodbye,

The words I said were, my attempt to say a last goodnight,

I know how much you loved me, also how hard you all tried,

The old me called and the new me wasn’t up to the fight,

 

Remember the old real me,

The me who loved and shared,

Not that new me,

But the one, who for you all, cared.